


The Mess I Made

by BlazersEtc



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 18:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5x01 from Sebastian's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mess I Made

“We are not singing a Nikki Minaj song for the fall show.” Sebastian had to bite back a rude remark because did Brian really think that Nikki Minaj was a good idea? They’d be better off singing something from Justin Timberlake or Daft Punk. At least they could come up with some decent dances for those; and both he and Jeff had the voices to pull off any of their recent hits. On the other side of Sebastian sat another member of the council, he’d long since tuned out of the argument and was busy playing with his pen. “We should do ‘Take Back the Night’ and follow with ‘Best Song Ever’.” Sebastian sighed, pointing down at the list in his hands. “It would flow and we can show off our dance skills with these songs.”

Brian shook his head, “One Direction is so over done and I really don’t feel like singing another song from Jeff’s ‘Ultimate Dance Playlist.’” Jeff had been out of school for the week, sick with the flu and while most of the Warblers missed his energy, Brian seemed perfectly fine not seeing the blonde. Sebastian was about to open his mouth to retort when the doors to the practice room burst open and in came none other than Blaine Anderson; and a huge group of what looked like high school students from every show choir competition he’d ever been to.

Sebastian’s shock only took a second to wear off before he was grinning ear to ear. Blaine Anderson was at Dalton Academy; looking happier than he’d seen him in ages. Sebastian was pulled from his place, leaning against the councils table, into the mayhem that was Blaine’s group. Sebastian had no idea what was going on, he was completely lost; but if it made Blaine this happy it had to be a good thing…right? Or this bad for you, his brain supplied.

Sebastian frowned as Blaine took off into the crowd of people now filling the library. Sebastian stepped forward to go after Blaine, to ask him what this was about, but he was cut off by Sam rushing towards Blaine. Sebastian turned his head to see the extremely thin girl he’d seem pass out at their last completion and he leaned over to ask her what was going on. “You don’t know?” she asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise. “Blaine and Kurt are back together and Blaine is asking Kurt to marry him; and we’re helping!”

It was in that moment that Sebastian’s world started to fall apart before him. He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. The air suddenly seemed like it was trying to drown him and his stomach started to make him nauseous. Last he’d heard, Blaine and Kurt were very much broken up, and according to Blaine had no chance of ever fixing their relationship. It seemed that Blaine had been much too pessimistic about the situation; and for once he couldn’t help but wish he hadn’t been. Sebastian knew he should be happy for Blaine but he couldn’t feel anything more than a crippling sense of grief. Kurt would say yes, because they weren’t Kurt and Blaine, they were KurtandBlaine; and the universe loved them.

He hardly noticed when the commotion stopped, his head buzzing so loudly he wasn’t sure he could even hear anyone. He glanced up to see Trent’s lips moving but he didn’t register a word of what was being said. Sebastian straightened his shoulders and strode forward; there was no way he was going to let Trent speak on his behalf. “Uh, Trent? We said I would do the talking.”

Sebastian took once glance at Blaine, at those big round eyes full of so much hope that Sebastian just didn’t have the heart to say no. The Warblers were Blaine’s friends and as much as Sebastian wanted to say no and scream that this wasn’t fair; he knew that Blaine needed his friends support. If it made Blaine happy, Sebastian would do it. Anything to make Blaine happy…even let him go.

“All in favor of helping Blaine?” Sebastian forced a smile on his face and his right hand in the air. As the cheers broke out around him Sebastian could feel his world crashing down around him. He watched as Blaine high fived the large-lipped blonde in celebration, his own heart cracking in his chest. Sebastian wasn’t expecting Blaine to come towards him next. “Thank you Sebastian.” Blaine said quietly, throwing his arms around Sebastian. It was all Sebastian could do not to break down in tears; because this was the first and the last time he’d ever have Blaine in his arms.

The day of the proposal Sebastian felt sick. He’d taken several doses of Pepto-Bismol just to try and keep his lunch down, not that it worked, and now he was standing in the front hallway of Dalton ready to lead the Warblers in Blaine’s proposal number.

Sebastian took his phone out of his pocket to distract himself. He couldn’t break, not now, not with everyone around. When he checked his messages he saw that he had one from Jeff. He’d expected to get a text from Jeff letting him know how upset he was to be missing the proposal; but Jeff was a better friend than Sebastian was giving him credit for. ‘I’m sorry, Sebastian. Just smile and get through it.’

Sebastian put his phone back in his pocket as he heard a voice call out down the hall, Blaine’s voice. “He’s here! Places everyone!”

Sebastian shoved a smile on his face just in time for Blaine to bounce through the doors with a grin on his face. As Blaine headed out the front door Sebastian cued the Warblers and they began to sing. Sebastian managed to lead then through their dance without missing a step or dropping his smile. He could do this, for Blaine, he could do this. As they moved deeper into Dalton Sebastian kept the smile on his face and his energy up; though his steps weren’t as energetic as the rest of the Warblers. He stayed towards the back corner of the group, hoping it would ease the pain a bit.

It didn’t work and as they made their way to Dalton’s main stairway, Sebastian knew he couldn’t watch what was about to happen before him. His eyes fixed onto the Vocal Adrenaline members making their way into the room instead. When Blaine walked past Sebastian into the room Sebastian couldn’t help the smile at Blaine, because Blaine still made him feel butterflies. Even if Blaine was about to completely walk out of his life, at least Blaine was happy.

Sebastian pressed himself back against the wall as the song started to come to an end. His smile was already falling and he wasn’t sure if he could force it back on for too long. He was close enough to the door that he could run if he had too. When the song ended cheers erupted through the halls and it took all Sebastian had to clap politely.

Sebastian was forcing himself to keep his mask of happiness on as Blaine started his speech. He wanted to scream that Blaine had taken his hand too, before he even knew Sebastian’s name. He’d taken his hand and joined in a dance with him. Did that mean nothing?

When Blaine dropped to one knee Sebastian couldn’t help but watch, he’d imagined Blaine on his knees many times, but not for this reason. He didn’t want to watch, but this was the moment he was going to lose Blaine, this was the last time he might ever see the boy. The second Kurt said yes the crowd was cheering and Blaine’s lips were on Kurt’s. Sebastian couldn’t take it anymore; he slipped out of the room and ran. He ran past the front doors of Dalton’s main building to the dorms. His legs ached and he needed air but he didn’t stop. He ran until he reached his dorm. His roommate was down at the event just like everyone else, leaving the room completely empty; just like Sebastian’s heart.

Sebastian only got to the rug by his bed before he was collapsing into a ball and crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he wrapped his arms around his knees and sobbed. Blaine deserved so much better than Hummel, he deserved so much better than himself even, but that didn’t make the pain any less. Any chance that Sebastian had was now gone. This is why Sebastian didn’t let people in, why he never got close to anyone. It was why hook ups were easier than feelings; because when you lost someone that you loved it hurt so much more than it did not having them in the first place.

He knew he was screwed from the moment Blaine walked into the Library that afternoon. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off the boy and when Blaine had agreed to get a cup of coffee with him and chat his crush on the small boy had been almost instantaneous. The longer Sebastian knew Blaine the more he learned about the boy and the more he wanted the boy. Blaine was gorgeous from his head to his feet everything about him had Sebastian desperate to have him. Blaine’s heart was bigger than it needed to be and with every conversation Sebastian found himself falling harder and harder.

When Blaine had arrived at Dalton not too long ago to get the New Directions trophy back Sebastian’s heart almost broke at the sight of Blaine so upset and distant. The fun loving boy he’d come to love so much was gone. It was in that moment that his choice of words hit him hard; he loved Blaine Anderson. Sebastian tried to tell himself that it wasn’t true, he didn’t love anyone; but his attempts were futile. Sebastian knew in his heart that it was true.

Blaine Anderson had managed to take down Sebastian’s defenses one by one until Sebastian’s soul was bare for him to see; but Blaine had never planned on looking long enough and now his soul was falling apart without anyone to care. Sebastian Smythe was completely alone once again.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought about having Jeff come in at the end of this and find Sebastian because I am a huge Jeffbastian shipper; but I think that it’s more impactful the way it is. I wrote this song to the tune of ‘Medicine’ by Daughter, but I thought ‘The Mess I Made’ was a better title (and that song goes with this fic perfectly. ‘And it’s falling down, as you walk away , And it’s on me now, as you go ,But oh, I’m staring at the mess I made, As you turn, you take your heart and walk away’.) Betaed by mintyleijon!


End file.
